Between a force of nature and The Force...

Today was a very weird day. I don't say things like that very lightly because, quite honestly, I feel most of my days are weird. They really are. I don't seek out the weird, nor do I purposely cause my days to be weird. They just are.

I am working from home as we collectively weather the coronavirus outbreak. For those of you who are reading this long after the fact, let me tell you a little bit about how life is in the here and now of my present. People have cleaned out the stores of toilet paper, bread, bottled water, meat, fresh produce, and hand sanitising gels. The apocalypse is nigh and for some reason or another, society is crapping itself and needing to wipe a lot, produce does not decay for weeks and weeks and the water from our taps is suddenly unacceptable. I'm joking about that last statement, but you would think all of that would be true based on the buying habits of humans in February and March 2020.

What actually is happening is there is a global pandemic to which our response and best hope to stop this virus is to stay away from each other so that we stop passing it from person to person. Nursing facilities and assisted living communities have been placed on lockdown in an effort to protect the elderly from contracting the virus. People like me who have compromised immune systems are taking many, many precautions so we don't get it. I have a heavy-duty environment and chemical filter mask and goggles--both of which I proudly wear when I have to go to the supermarket to see if there's anything on the shelves that I need and can still buy. Schools, restaurants, bars, gyms, cinemas, churches, synagogues and other places of worship are all closed. It is recommended that gatherings of less than 50 (and in some instances ten or less) occur, which means that sporting events are also kaput.

So, if all of that isn't weird enough, I get my own personal dose of "how am I supposed to feel at this moment?" this afternoon.

I think I've mentioned before that I attend (mostly regularly) a monthly Multiple Myeloma support group. Through this lovely and beautiful group of cancer thrivers, I became friends with a gentle and yet sassy lady named Marilyn. Marilyn from the word go was sensible, grounded and firmly no-nonsense in her resolve. She didn't take mess from anyone and if you were trippin', she would let you know as much. When our group lost its facilitator, Sharon, and we needed a new home, Marilyn and our friends Dawn and Mark took the lead and got us situated at the Gathering Place. I had exchanged a few e-mails with Marilyn about a month ago. Mark, who is a complete badass and who has pretty much endured everything one person going through cancer could endure, decided he needed one more thing to go wrong with his body and ended up in the hospital again. Mark's wife, Dawn, asked me to pass along some updates to Marilyn and Sharon. Marilyn immediately responded with a promise for prayers and encouragement. That's our Marilyn.

This afternoon, an e-mail notification popped up as I was working. It was from Sharon, so I opened the message to discover that our beloved Marilyn had passed away on the 8th. I was heartbroken. Not only were we going through this global pandemic and our nerves were beyond frayed, but now I had to find something left inside of me to deal with this news. I was sad, of course, but I was completely unprepared for the unjustly large amount of sadness that I was feeling. I rattled off a response to Sharon and wiped away an unreasonable amount of tears. I made an attempt to work a little as I cried, but I quickly realised that I was done. With everything.

I sat at the desk and continued to cry and as I was crying I got a message from a friend named Dan. Dan is someone I recently met because we worked on a little thing that I will talk about in a moment. The message was that the thing we'd worked on was about to drop and that the fruits of our labours would be enjoyed by, well, whoever on the planet was tuning in. Coincidentally, Dan's brother-in-law, a September 11th first responder, was recently diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, so we had a lot to talk about.

So anyhow, if you've followed my mindless babble on this blog, you may already know that I am a ridiculous Star Wars fan. The opportunity came up several months ago for me to submit a pitch to tell my Star Wars story on a webseries called, amazingly enough, Our Star Wars Stories. The programme, hosted by the warm and delightful Jordan Hembrough, focuses on Joe and Jane Star Wars fan and how they were inspired in some way by the franchise. I was fortunate enough to be selected to tell my story as a fan living with Multiple Myeloma and how I got the upper hand on my cancer through the ideas and philosophies presented in the films and also through the support of the fan community I found and adopted as my family.

So, let's recap: pandemic, sad news, tears and then exciting news.

I really didn't know how I was supposed to feel. My cat didn't offer any direction even though I'm sure he tried in his own way. It was the highest of highs and the lowest of lows all happening at one time and in one place. I think if it was weather, it would manifest itself as a tornado or some other destructive mess and, truth be told, that's pretty much how it felt.

What does one do when they are feeling this emotional taffy pull? I opted to tune out for a moment, but to not feel the excitement of the news that Dan was sharing with me would be wrong and I didn't want to do that. He sent me a link to the video and I watched. At first, I watched half-heartedly, but then I listened to the things I was saying and I decided I was making some good points. This is who I am and this is who we are--we are thrivers and we need to be thrivers. We cannot let fear or sadness cripple us, confuse us or let us lose our way. This is the quiet elegance that Marilyn also embodied and she was right there in my words. So I celebrated her and I celebrated this awesome thing I got to do because that is life and this is how we go on with it. All of these things are blessings... and this is my Star Wars story.