Wait and See...

During the last couple of weeks, the course of action has been "wait and see". My left leg feels better, but I'm still experiencing weird pains in my kneecap and the back of my thigh. Wait and see. I'm having trouble sleeping because my toes and parts of the bottom of my foot feel like they are being shocked and set on fire. Wait and see. I seem to be having issues with my chemo making me feel ill. Wait and see.

When I am experiencing this much discomfort, I really just want relief. I get it. I need to be patient to see if the radiation I received is still working and killing the tumours in my lower spine and hips or are things getting worse? Normally, I would be more likely to wait and see, but I've felt miserable for the last five or six weeks and all of it seems so interminable. Also, my lower back is now achy and the left side of my chin is numb. Who gets neuropathy in their chin? Apparently, I do. 

Wait and see also led to me not getting my chemo infusion this past Friday. Here's why... and yeah, HIPAA be damned, I'm sharing my information.

WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT: 1.39 (acceptable range: 3.70 - 11.00)

RED BLOOD CELL COUNT: 2.12 (acceptable range 4.20 - 6:00)

HEMOGLOBIN: 8.0 (acceptable range 13.0 - 17.0)

PLATELET COUNT: 43 (acceptable range 150 - 400)

ABSOLUTE NEUTROPHIL COUNT (ANC): .75 (acceptable range 1.45 - 7.50) 

As you can see, I'm nowhere close to where I need to be. This is why I am pretty much sleeping around the clock unless I have some work I need to do. Still, I take periodic breaks to recover some energy. It feels like I have the flu, aches and all, with an occasional side of nausea. Yum! Yum!

I am fortunate, though, that I have a lot of people working on this with me. And yes, when things feel completely rotten, which they have for over a month, it's easy to forget that you're out there. Some well-placed reminders that land in my lap.

One of the things I feel most awful about is the numerous messages that turn up via text, Facebook messenger, WhatsApp, and so on. They are well-meaning, all of them, but they are so numerous that they are exhausting to manage. And not just for me, but also for Lou. I found myself sending out to a number of kind-hearted folks a message asking to please limit the daily or multiple times a day check-ins. To wake up from a nap to discover 30+ messages panics me. I want to answer all the messages, but the energy isn't present, but I do it anyhow because I don't want to be a disappointment. Please rest assured that if something should happen, we will let people know.

Right now, the answer you'll probably get is "I feel horrible. I'm tired because things are completely out of whack. But like my doctors tell me, I shall tell you... just wait and see."

Exhausted and ill, but still capable of sending love to you all...